I am not big into New Year's resolutions. I am terrible at keeping them and it seems to me that January is the worst month to begin major changes. It is too cold and I am just catching my breath from the November to December whirlwind of the holidays. September, with the back to school vibe and tinge of fall in the air, is a good season to start fresh. And, June with the promise of summer and long days of sunshine, always motivates me. In January and February, I just want to hibernate.
But, this year, feels a bit different. I look at the kids and cannot believe how quickly they are growing. Their limbs are long. My oldest reaches to my shoulder and he is just 9 years old. My baby, the 2 year old, looks like a little person, a little man. His infant, newborn features are long gone. The last ten years have truly flown by. I have become very aware that now is the time I have with them to make our traditions and create our family history. The horror and loss in Newtown has shockingly reminded me that the time I am lucky enough to have right now is not promised and each moment, each second, is precious and priceless.
So, I haven't made any concrete resolutions, but I am trying to reset my brain to make more room and time for what matters. To put the energy and effort into that which will count the most. All the little things that make up the Big Things. Write more. Read more. Make a plan to get healthy. Create more - learn how to sew and teach Kate, finally finish a quilt, update the baby books, take more pictures, clean my room, take more walks.
There is another little thing arriving in 2013 that will be a very Big Thing. It is finally my turn to be an Aunt. I can't wait. I am lucky enough to have two sisters who love and adore and spoil my three children beyond measure. And reason. They are the High Priestesses in the Village that raise my kids with me. I am so happy the kids will have a cousin.
So, the only resolution I am willing to commit to is that this will be a year in which I seek out all those momemts, instead of letting them pass by and hold on to them tightly and fiercely.
And, also to clean my room. Really.